


Order for "Lancelot"

by bobertsmallismydad



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 20:50:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7656232
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bobertsmallismydad/pseuds/bobertsmallismydad
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Keith works at a coffee shop and one of the regulars is the most annoying person on Earth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by a post on tumblr from nerds-are-cool.  
> Loosely based on this prompt: You give me a different fake name every time you come into starbucks and I just want to know your real name bc ur cute but here I am scrawling “batman” onto your stupid cappuccino.

Keith liked to think he led a normal life. He had normal friends and a normal job, it’s the bare minimum he had always wanted. And then this weirdo came into the coffee shop.

“The Conquerer,” the customer said. Keith gave him a death glare.

“Excuse me?”

“I said _ The Conquerer _ ,” the man said, mouth making annoying shapes to annunciate the last two words.

“I doubt that’s your name, sir,” Keith said, starting to get annoyed, even more than he was already.

“That’s my name and I’m sticking to it, mullet man.” Keith gave the customer another glare but looked away and wrote ‘The Conquerer’ on the cup. He shouldn’t have to put up with this kind of shit but he kept his mouth shut. Keith looked back up as he slid the cup over to Hunk to finish the order.

“That’ll be seven dollars,” Keith said flatly and the guy handed over a ten. Keith gave the change back as fast as he could and yelled, “Next.” Keith was helping the next customer when Hunk called out, “The Conquerer!” and he froze. He looked up in time to catch the weirdo’s eye and then said weirdo waved goodbye.

“Unbelievable,” Keith muttered as he finished the customer’s order. He was frustrated and seething for the rest of the day.


	2. Chapter 2

“Really? He called you mullet man?” Pidge asked the next morning as they were cleaning before the cafe opened.

“Yeah! Can you believe he talked to me that way? I should have spit in his coffee!” Keith seethed as he furiously scrubbed at the baking counter with a rag.

“He would have seen you do that,” Pidge reasoned and Keith stopped scrubbing. He took a deep breath then let it out.

“You’re right. I’m freaking out over nothing. I just need to forget him,” Keith reasoned to himself then took another deep breath. “I’m good.”

“Is anyone working here?” came a shout from the front of the store and Keith’s blood ran cold. Pidge looked up, saw Keith’s face, and then said, “I’ll handle this.” Pidge was gone before he could fully register what was happening. Quickly, once his brain started to work again, he made his way to the front and hid where he could hear the conversation.

“We’re not open right now,” Pidge said, annoyed.

“Your sign said you  _ were  _ open,” came the voice from Keith’s nightmares. Keith heard Pidge curse Hunk’s name.

“Okay, fine. What can I get you?” Pidge asked.

“Tall, iced coffee, with an espresso shot, please.” Keith shook with anger at the kindness the customer was showing Pidge. Where had that been yesterday?

“Name?” Keith tensed up.

“Ladies man.”

“Goddammit!” Keith shouted before he could stop himself, he slapped a hand over his mouth but it was too late. Keith could only imagine the grin that the customer was showing off. It took all of his strength not to leave his hiding spot, jump the counter, and punch the jerk. Keith heard Pidge start to make the order and give the guy his change. Keith didn’t come out from his hiding spot until he heard the door chime and Pidge say, “Have a nice day.”

“Keith, you honestly need more self control, my god,” Pidge said as they stepped into the back. Keith just stared.

“He was nicer to you than he was to me. Why did he choose me to annoy so bad? I don’t deserve this!” Keith said as he threw his arms into the air. Hunk came into the room and gave Keith a high five, misreading the situation.

“Hunk, you flipped the sign too early,” Pidge said and Hunk snapped to attention.

“Sorry, boss,” Hunk apologised.

“And Keith, you need to keep your calm with an annoying customer,” Pidge admonished.

“Sorry, boss,” Keith said and looked away. Then the bell chimed.

“Time to get to work,” Pidge said and the day began.

* * *

 

 

Keith was exhausted after two hours of constant service, exhausted to the point that when the customer from hell walked in he didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“What can I get you?” Keith asked blandly, eyes threatening to close and send him into a thousand year sleep. All the guy did was lean on the counter and grin at him.

“Someone’s a little tired, aren’t they?” he joked but Keith couldn’t muster up the effort to respond. The guy seemed to catch on and ordered the same thing he had that morning and kept fairly silent as Keith made his drink.

“So when did this place open, because I’ve lived here for most of my life and never heard of it?” he asked and Keith gave him a tired look.

“About a month or two ago,” Keith said then turned back to the machine. Keith finished making the drink and set it down on the counter.

“Can I also get five of those donuts in the case?”

“Of course,” Keith said and gathered five donuts into a small container. “That’ll be fifteen dollars.” The customer handed over a twenty and Keith gave him his change.

“Thanks, Keith,” the guy said as he gathered his coffee and donuts.

“You’re welcome, Ladies man,” Keith said, not realizing what he had said or the blush that appeared on the other man’s face.


	3. Chapter 3

“You called him Ladies man?” Pidge asked as they stocked the shelf. Keith rubbed his eyes and nodded.

“Yeah, but I didn’t mean to. I was just so tired yesterday and it slipped out,” Keith explained. Pidge just rolled their eyes and smiled.

“I think you like him and how he pushes your buttons,” Pidge said and Keith did a double take.

“What?” he sputtered out. “Definitely not! He’s horrible and rude,” Keith said, meaning it. The guy was annoying and Keith didn’t like being annoyed.

“You’re getting flustered,” Pidge sing songed.

“Because you’re accusing me of liking that jerk!”

“Who’s a jerk?” Hunk asked as he carried in a box of cups.

“The guy who doesn’t give his real name,” Pidge explained.

“Oh, the guy you like?” Hunk asked Keith and Keith’s ears became red.

“I don’t like him!”

* * *

 

“Lancelot.”

“That’s the most normal of all the one’s I’ve heard,” Keith said as he wrote the name down. The guy had come in everyday for the last month and ordered the exact same thing every time. He and Keith had settled into a pattern: they would bicker and snap at each other but they wouldn’t cross any boundaries(like being rude in front of other paying customers). Pidge and Hunk would say they were basically dating but Keith wouldn’t listen. Besides, Keith didn’t even know the guy’s name.

“Hey, that might be my actual name,” he said. Keith gave him a look that said, “Really?”

“Okay, it’s not actually my name.”

“I’d like to know what it actually is,” Keith said before he could stop himself. Goddamn his self control.

“Maybe tomorrow,” the guy said and smiled at Keith. Keith smiled back and realized this was just what Pidge and Hunk said it was. He was dating the customer from hell.  _ What have I done? _ he thought.

* * *

 

“Lance.”

“Nice, but that one’s too close to the one you used on Tuesday,” Keith joked as he started to make the order.

“No, that’s my real name,” he insisted. Keith turned to look at him and squinted.

“Prove it.” The guy pulled out his driver’s license and showed Keith, ‘Lance’ stood out in printed letters. Keith just stared until Lance pulled the card away.

“Hey, Keith, the name’s Lance. Come here often?” Lance said as he wiggled his eyebrows and Keith let out a sharp laugh. Lance’s face lit up at the sound.

“You’re an idiot,” Keith said, but there was no heat or malice behind it.

“Yes, I am but I’m-”

“Your idiot,” Keith finished.

“Yes, you are,” Lance said and Keith almost leapt over the counter and punched him.

“Feisty,” Lance said as he dodged out of the way, grinning in a way that made Keith want to slap it off his face.

“Oh, I’ll show you feisty,” Keith said and then proceeded to scale over the counter and tackle Lance.

“Oh no, Pidge, help! Help!” Lance shouted. Keith thanked the universe that there was no one in the cafe to see this. Lance looked up at Keith and gave him a shaky smile.

“You wouldn’t hurt my face, would ya?” he asked and Keith couldn’t help but smile.

“I could think of one way,” Keith said then proceeded to give Lance the best kiss of his life, only stopping when Pidge hit them with a broom to break them apart.


End file.
